Karaoke Dictionary

(This is meant as humor only. Also I do not claim credit for this list. It was sent to me by a friend and I do not know the source. If you do, please let me know so proper credit can be given.)

Accompanist - Someone who always has to play an instrument (i.e. harmonica), bang on the table or clap along during one's song. 

 

Aquaschmuch - Someone who goes to karaoke and only drinks water to avoid spending money...can be easily identified, as they are usually the biggest complainers about the rotation. (These are also the douchebags that can kill a gig for a KJ; if the bar makes no money, the KJ makes no money. Buy something, you cheap pricks!!)

 

Arhythmia Idiotica - The one guy who always claps out of rhythm with the rest of the crowd, just to annoy others. 

 

Audio Deficit - When the music fades out, but words are still left on the screen to sing. 

 

Audio Repeatus - Hearing the same song twice in one night. 

 

Audiomaniac - A KJ that runs back and forth adjusting the sound every minute as if they were running the L.A. Marathon. (Actually, we feel that if more KJs paid attention to their mixes, the sets would sound better.)

 

Audiophool - Someone who knows nothing about audio, but always tries to tell the KJ how to run the sound..."hey, can get some reverb, maaaaan?"

 

Auditory Delusion - When someone actually thinks that cupping their hand over their ear makes them sound better. 

 

Bathroom Break - (also known as "Smoke Break") A song, whenever performed, no matter how well performed, induces a customer or customers to head to the bathroom, outside, or anywhere else from the karaoke singing space. The singer firmly believes it is just a random act and has nothing to do with the sound of their voice

 

Bohemian Banger - The irresistible urge to "bang" one's head in the instrumental break of Bohemian Rhapsody, usually with a stupid grin on their face, like they are the first ones to do this.

 

Boogie Compulsion - A disorder which compels otherwise conservative individuals to stampede blindly to the dance floor when someone sings "Play That Funky Music."

 

Cave Dweller - Someone who wraps their hand around the mic, thinking it looks cool, completely unaware that it makes their voice sound like they're singing "Aqualung."

 

Clappus Alonus - A condition when the person realizes they are the only one clapping. 

 

Clappus Falsalarmus - Accidentally clapping for the dance music. This is usually paired with the aforementioned Clappus Alonus, & usually quickly followed by Clappus Interuptus. 

 

Clappus Interuptus - Clapping, then suddenly stopping when you realize the song isn't over. 

 

Courtesy Clap - Applause that only happens because the audience is glad the song is over. 

 

Dance Re-mix - A selection that always skips during a performance. 

 

Dedication - Any ballad sung in the hopes of gaining female companionship for the evening. 

 

Dorkapella - Someone who continues to sing even when the song is over, and refuses to stop until the KJ or the next singer grabs the mic from them. 

 

Double Take - A singer who always misses the first part of the song, and the host has to start it over. 

 

Draft Card - A request slip with someone's name on it who has not volunteered to sing. 

 

Drive-By - Cruising past a show trying to estimate how big the rotation is without making the "commitment" of walking in. 

 

Fake Virgin - A person performing on a karaoke stage for the first time in his or her life, but has sung in front of audiences before (i.e., was in a band, in choir, in opera, etc.). 

 

Faux Boost - The act of complimenting a singer's not-so-good performance. 

 

Fire Drill - Any song that causes large groups of people to head immediately for the nearest exit and line up outside. 

 

Germicrophobia - The fear of "catching something" from the last singer by using the same microphone...resulting in the singer trying any of a dozen "sneaky" ways to wipe off the mic. 

 

Ghost Singer - A person who puts in a song, promptly disappears until after they are called, then mysteriously re-appears. 

 

Hit and Run - Someone who hangs around just long enough to sing, then vaporizes without a word.

 

Hog - A KJ who insists on singing in every rotation that has more than 15 singers.

 

Hollywood Kisses - Those annoying, plastic comments intended to gain favor from a host...(often recognizeable because of the repeated use of the word "really")...."We just love ya, babe...really...you're just the greatest host that ever lived...really...let's do lunch sometime...really!"

 

Hunting Season - The time where people who don't normally go to a certain karaoke show will go, IF THERE'S A CONTEST. Also called "karaoke whores."

 

Illusionist - A singer whose voice is in complete conflict with their looks... (example - she's dressed like Pasty Cline, and next thing you know she breaks out with Guns 'N Roses). 

 

Irritagent - A non-singer who represents their "friend" to the host...and tries to get the KJ to move them up because they are "a so much better singer than all of these guys."

 

Karaboo - The discouraged practice of letting a singer know that despite what the host said, the singer actually stank to high hell. 

 

Karachokie - When you try a song you've never done before, and blow it badly.

 

Kararchivist: Someone who brings recording equipment to shows, usually to record their own performances. (We even know one jackoff who plugs into the KJ's board!) 

 

Karadultury - Someone who sings a duet with one person and leaves the bar with another.

 

Karaflare - The act of flicking cigarette lighters or matches in order to pay homage to a particular song. 

 

Karaglyphics - Unreadable scribblings on a song slip. The language is usually "Drunkanese."

 

Karahokie - Those so called "standards" which are so far out that absolutely no one in their right (or wrong) mind ever does them. Example- "Gilligan's Island", "Flintstones", et al.

 

Karahoochie - Singer who thinks that they can get laid by acting like a slut while singing. or thinks that offering to show the KJ their new breast augmentation will move her to the top of the list (yea this does happen)

 

Karalloquial Dialect - The different ways to pronounce the word "Karaoke" based on what region a person is from. 

 

Karamputee - Someone who's been cut out of the rotation for one reason or another. 

 

Karamuck - The unidentifiable substance between the pages in a songbook that causes them to stick together. Also known as karaspooge.

 

Karadrogynous - Being able to sing male and female parts to a certain song.

 

Karaoke Alzheimer's - A condition where a singer turns in a song, then 5 minutes later has to come up and ask the host what they put in.

 

Karaoke Paranoia - A condition which makes a singer go up every 3 minutes to ask when they're up...resembles symptoms displayed by cocaine addicts. 

 

Karaoke Terrorism - Drafting another person to sing without their knowledge. Usually done by turning a DRAFT CARD. (see above)

 

Karaoke Whore - A person who shows up at a karaoke venue, only if there is a contest taking place, then disappears for months at a time, until the next contest. This term also applies to a person who goes from club to club, seeking out contests.

 

Karoakephobia - When someone is so scared of karaoke, that they push the book away from them as if it were an odious thing that will metaphysically transport them on stage if they open it.  Ex-military have been known to jump on it as if it were a live grenade.

 

Karaopie - That annoying kid who shows up every week and bellows into the mike while adoring parent(s) look on and the rest of the place holds their ears. "Gollee Andy...jus' listen to the lil' rascal!"

 

Karaogre - The loner who never talks to anyone, never sits with anyone and is always a grouch...just wants to sing. 

 

Karacutie - The girl who sings gawdawful, but is so darn cute all the guys don't care and cheer her on. 

 

Karap - Any song that makes you want to Karaboo.

 

Karaslinky - A microphone cord which refuses to straighten out, no matter which way you try to unwind it. 

 

Karasoap - The behind the music dramas that go on at karaoke shows.

 

Karaspooge - Mysterious, sticky substances found between karaoke songbook pages.

 

Karenema - The art of pulling a song out of your ass when you least expect it.

 

Karrorist - Someone who badmouths a show, a KJ, a contest, in the hopes of keeping others from going. (We have another word for this sort of saboteur. We call them @$$holes!)

 

Kroakie - A singer who did Mariah Carey at the show the night before, and is now limited to Joe Cocker and Kim Carnes tunes. 

 

Layaway - Someone who turns in a blank request slip just to get in the rotation. 

 

Liquid Courage - Any alcoholic beverage that facilitates a singer coming up on stage. 

 

Lyrictosis - A dreaded disease contracted by karaoke software manufacturers who get the lyrics ridiculously wrong. Also known as Chartbustitis.

 

Malsetto - Singers who "breathe" their way through a power high song. (aka "Donna Lewis sings Lita Ford"). 

 

Martinesque - The quality of a singer that sings while simultaneously holding a drink and a cigarette in their free hand.

 

McMicrophone - A mic of such low quality that, instead of clapping, the audience asks the singer if they could "have some fries with that." 

 

Milli Vanilli - A singer that goes up with another person, then won't take the microphone, and just stands there and mouths the words the whole time. 

 

Nicomagnetism - The mysterious quality of cigarette smoke to waft toward the singers at the table, regardless of position. 

 

Nom De Mic - A fake name someone uses to cheat their way to the top of the rotation. 

 

Orphan - A person who was "ditched" by their friends and inevitably ends up asking the KJ for a ride home. 

 

Overmodulator - A singer who constantly screams into a microphone. Everything they sing sounds like it's being performed by Megadeth...even "The Rose."

 

Phlegmic Cellulose - That unidentified moist substance that breeds in microphone covers. (When is the last time you checked inside YOUR microphone cover? Ewwww!)

 

Pitchforking - Changing the key of a song so radically that the background singers sound like they're either on Quaaludes or helium. 

 

Premature Clap - Clapping before the song is actually over.

 

Premature Evacuation - Singer quits during the song and goes and sits down, usually happens when a singer has too much of that liquid courage 

 

Projection Impaired - When a singer sings so quietly that a KJ has to turn the mic up to the point of feedback. 

 

Proofreader - Someone who always has to point out the typos in the songbook.

 

Pseudohost - A singer who trys to act like a KJ, but is completely devoid of "people skills"...typically trying to get the crowd going by insulting them..."What's the matter with you guys?"/"Are you guys awake out there?!?!?."

 

Quick Change Artist - Someone who changes their song more than 3 times in a night...usually right before they sing.

 

Recycler - Someone who changes their mind and scratches out their song so many times, that eventually they are forced to use the back of the request form. 

 

Repeat Offender - Someone who pipes up with a cliché like "Is This Thing On?", thinking it's funny...completely unaware that hundreds of people have already said it that night. 

 

Rotation - The order in which customers of karaoke establishments will sing, usually determined by the order in which customers make requests to sing and altered by additions of customers arriving later at the establishment than others. If used correctly and ethically, time on stage will be allocated fairly to all people who wish to sing. 

 

Space Invader - A singer who somehow feels that in order to properly speak to the KJ, it is necessary to get as close to the equipment as possible...especially when the tray of the CD player is open.

 

Stanley & Livingstoned - The extremely drunk singer who always wanders off right before their turn, and their friend who is sent to go find them. 

 

Suicide - When a singer performs a song he or she has never performed before.

 

Taking My Ball and Going Home - Someone who gets upset, loses an argument, or in some other way feels they aren't getting the attention they deserve, and leaves. (Some real crybabies even ditch their friends, leaving them stranded in a bar twenty miles from home!)

 

Tap Dancer - Someone who didn't make it to the bathroom before their song came up. 

 

The Eebie Freebies - That unnerving and irritating feeling a bartender gets when a water/soda drinker sits down at the bar. These are the jackoffs who eventually kill a gig for a KJ.

 

The Nutcracker Sweat - The terror experienced by a male singer before singing any Peter Cetera song. 

 

Titleist - Someone who calls themselves the "queen" or "king" of karaoke, but usually sings like Roseanne Barr. 

 

Tutor - Someone who always has to help others fill out their request slips and find songs. This is also the person who stands in front of (or even more ballsy, WITH) the singer, and tries to "help" them through their song. Our response to this person: "Sit the **** down and wait your turn!"

 

Typhoid Kary - Any idiot who sings with a communicable illness. 

 

Ultrasonic - Songs that are so high that only dogs can hear them (also known as Mariah Carey selections). 

 

Vibrato Non Grata - "Trilling" your voice inappropriately on every note of a song, to the point that you sound like you're singing in an earthquake or swallowed a vibrator. (Vibrato is supposed to be used as an accent, not a weapon). 

 

Virgin - A person performing on a karaoke stage for the first time ever in his or her life. 

 

Wannaberoadie - People who insist on trying to help break down equipment, over the objections of the host.

 

"Why?" Baby - Someone who loses a contest, then complains about the judging, the format of the contest; anything to avoid having to admit that, on that night, they didn't do as well.